Summer break is almost here, and my kids have a mile-long list of things they
want to do this year. It includes things like visiting our local pool, taking a
trip to Holiday World (which I am
seriously looking forward to!), and gulping gallons of
ice cream at our local hot dog joint.
My list, which I have yet to
officially share with my kids, includes things like reading and math practice,
science projects, and chores.
You can probably see why I haven't shared
that with the kids yet.
I want summer to be fun, but I want to avoid
summer brain drain. The kids have worked really hard at school this year and I
do not want them to lose ground while lazing about in the summer sun. Danny
especially has struggled to learn some major concepts. And his reading has
improved tremendously. The last thing I want is for him to lose the ground that
was so painstakingly gained.
You may think I'm overreacting, but
according to the RIF website, the "summer slide" is serious:
"Something is
waiting for many children every summer, and their parents don’t even know it’s
out there. It's called the 'summer slide,' and it describes what happens when
young minds sit idle for three months. Children who do not read over the summer
will lose more than two months of reading achievement. Summer reading loss is
cumulative. By the end of 6th grade children who lose reading skills over the
summer will be 2 years behind their classmates. RIF provides resources for
parents and teachers to keep kids reading throughout the summer and beyond."
(To read more, click here.)
To continue reading this post, please visit Family Matters' website here.
I should have seen the signs. They were subtle ones, but they were unmistakable, especially in hindsight.
I was thrilled when Brett showed romantic interest in me. I couldn't believe he wanted to date me.
It had been so long since a smart, relatively successful and normal man had shown me attention of that sort, so it was easy to overlook those little signs, the red flags.
To be honest, I didn't want to see them, because they proved that he didn't really care about me, not really. And that thought was unbearable.
Throughout the months we dated, he said and did things that subtly demonstrated he didn't accept me for who I was. He mentioned that he would fully support any weight loss efforts I chose to pursue. He gave me disapproving glances when I played with his kids and encouraged them to get dirty. He refused to spend time with my friends, always with a valid excuse. For so many reasons, I never felt cool enough for him.
This was especially true when it came to music. Brett loved music, especially 80s tunes, so we listened to many, many albums. In the car, he would sometimes quiz me on band and album names, even going so far as to ask me what year a particular U2 album had been released.
Though I like music, I never remember band or song names, let alone dates. Also, my taste in music is shall we say....eclectic. I like stuff that should probably embarrass me. Other music I have never even heard of.
I knew Brett had very definite opinions on music; I also knew my opinions were often diametrically opposed to his, but I didn't make a big deal of that. Because of my silence, B assumed I shared his tastes completely.
One day, he asked me what my favorite song was. By this point in our relationship, I had realized that I was bending too much to be the kind of person he wanted me to be. So, I answered honestly, even though my choice of song is very unusual and probably not considered cool by anyone at all.
My favorite song is one I have loved since grade school. It's the love song to "St. Elmo's Fire." I remember listening to this song , even dancing to it in the privacy of my bedroom, reveling in the swell of the saxophones. This song never fails to make me smile.
Brett wasn't at all impressed and he dropped the subject. I felt his disapproval, but didn't retract my statement.
It wasn't long after that he broke up with me. While I know my taste in music had very little to do with the demise of our relationship, it always felt symbolic to me. After dealing with the heartbreak of rejection, I realized that Brett had never accepted me for who I was, and I was partly to blame. I had spent a great deal of time trying to be the person I thought he wanted.
After the breakup, I promised myself that I would never make that same mistake again. I would be myself and assert my opinions, no matter how much I might want a guy to like me.
When I met Bil, I liked him immediately. He was kind and funny, and he never mocked people. I was so nervous when he finally asked me out. What if I said something really stupid? What if he thought I wasn't very cool? After all, he had led such an interesting life; a musician, he had belonged to bands and had even run his own record label. How could someone like that think I was interesting? I decided, though, that no matter how much I wanted Bil to like me, I would be myself.
So, I was honest with him when he asked me my opinions on subjects such as movies, books, and of course, music.
One day, predictably, he asked me what my favorites were. I got out my old cassette soundtrack of "St. Elmo's Fire" and I played it for him. He listened intently, with nary a frown or sign of disapproval, and he liked it.
Over the year of our courtship, Bil introduced me to many new bands and songs, and I found myself enjoying conversing about music with him. Never once did he sigh at my lack of knowledge or roll his eyes at my pedestrian taste in music.
It was that lack of disapproval that proved to me how fully Bil accepted me. He showed me over and over again that he liked me for exactly for who I was. We dated and laughed and took walks in the rain. We discussed Ayn Rand and watched old movies together, and over time, I grew to trust him, to believe that he really, truly cared about me, not who he thought I should be.
On our honeymoon, Bil presented me with a small gift. It was a mixed cd, one of many I would receive from him over the years. I popped it into our rental car's cd player and the first song was his cover of the love song from "St. Elmo's Fire." Hearing that song moved me to tears.
Thankfully, this time around I saw the signs. They were unmistakable.
I am not much of a daydreamer. My mind flits from topic to topic much too quickly for me to really develop a clear, well-defined fantasy. I'll be imagining some idyllic getaway, only to be interrupted with thoughts of my shopping list or Danny's upcoming dental appointment.
When I saw the topic for the Spin Cycle was Dream Vacation, my first thought was "Dream vacation? ANY vacation would be a dream right now! But it'll never happen, so why think about it? What's the point?"
I filed the topic in the back of my mind and went about the rest of my day, working, fielding questions about special education law, and worrying about what I was going to make for dinner. I didn't give the topic much thought until I went to bed.
As I lay awake last night, listening to Bil snore and watching the snow fall outside our window, I actually started daydreaming. Perhaps because of the winter storm we were having, my mind went to a cabin in the woods. I imagined spending a few solitary days with just Bil in a beautiful, luxurious cabin surrounded by snowy forest. I added a frozen pond nearby and ice skates waiting for us in the cabin. Then, I thought, "Oh, we should have some snow shoes and cross country skis, too!"
I enthusiastically envisioned Bil and I sleeping very late on a huge four-poster bed filled with down comforters and cozy pillows. Then, we would eat a luxurious breakfast and go ice skating or hiking in the woods. Later, we would come home to a blazing fire and a hot tub where we could thaw out and relax. It seemed so blissful to me. We could read by the fire, watch movies late into the night, make out without worrying about a kid interrupting.
No kids to take care of. No responsibilities, no phone, no email, or even Facebook. Just a relaxing, quiet, peaceful weekend to spend together with absolutely no interruptions.
I visualized the cabin at night with bright stars studding the dark sky. It all seemed so romantic....until I thought about how dark and quiet and isolated that cabin was. So far away from civilization....or help. I thought of the peculiar noises we would hear, the creaks in the cabin, the movement outside, the drone of chainsaws belonging to the serial killers in the woods.
And then, every stinking horror movie I have ever seen came flooding back to me and I envisioned Bil and I stalked like the family from Cape Fear.
Blood, there was a lot of blood. And so much screaming.
And this, my friends, is why I do not go in for daydreaming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more posts on dream vacations, go to Second Blooming. I'm sure their accounts of idyllic getaways will be blood-free.
Winter is in full swing, and my kids are suffering from some cabin fever. It's too cold and dreary here for them to enjoy playing outside, but they desperately need some physical activity to help them expend some energy. This is why receiving the In-Sync Activity Cards by Joye Newman and Carol Kranowitz has me so excited!
The cards are divided into three color-coded sections: Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced levels. Each card details what sort of equipment is necessary, but it is almost always something that you can easily find around the house.
Let's look at an intermediate activtity that looks fun and easy. It's the "People Obstacle Course." All you need is about 5 or 6 family members or friends. The child then has to position the friends into obstacles using different prepositions. For example: say, "Now, position me so you can go under me." Then, you can put together different people going under one friend, around another, and over another person, etc. The child will then go through the obstacle course he built. According to the card, this activity develops directionality, motor planning, proprioception and spatial awareness. It also helps kids understand prepositional concepts.
With more than 50 fun and exciting activities, these cards should get me through winter with my sanity intact!
And there's great news! One lucky reader can win a set of these cards!
Have a LEGO builder on your Christmas shopping list? If so, I have three book suggestions for every level of builder. Check them out!
The Unofficial LEGO Builder's Guide, 2nd edition by Allan Bedford is meant for the LEGO enthusiast who is interested in deepening his/her knowledge of LEGO. The book starts with an introduction of the various pieces and their names, along with an explanation of what each piece is usually used for.
Chapter 2 is filled with tips and techniques on building. Bedford explains the different ways to connect bricks, how to make round walls, how not to build a beam, along with the proper way to separate bricks.
Chapter 3 describes how to create a mini-fig scale building and gives you directions for a train station that is built to mini-fig scale, complete with a list of all the bricks you will need to build it.
My favorite chapters outline how to build mosaics and make LEGO games. Bedford includes vivid pictures and exceptionally clear instructions and tips.
Appendix A is called "Brickopedia" and it "notes why you might have certain pieces in your collection, suggests how to use them, or in some cases, just offers and interesting anecdote about the part."
As I said, this book is meant for a LEGO builder who already has solid building skills but is looking to advance. There is information on design grids and how to design your own projects as well as tips on how to think like a model designer.
The book is fascinating and teaches some skills that are important for the builder who wants to advance beyond merely following LEGO instructions. And even kids in my LEGO Club who aren't at that level yet, love to look through the pictures and read some of the tips.
The Unofficial LEGO Technic Builders' Guideby Pawet Sariel Kmiec is a thorough manual on Technic building. As the book states, LEGO Technic is a more advanced building system than the regular bricks. The three principals of Technic building are: Authenticity, Functionality, and Challenging building. What this means is Technic creations are real-life models with working functions.
As the book points out, Technic is challenging, and creating one's own Technic creations, even more difficult, which is why this book is so useful. Part One goes through the basics of building, including such topics as weight distribution, friction and traction, and rolling resistance. It also covers the various pieces and their functions and discusses axels, busses and joints.
Part Two focuses on mechanics and outlines gears and power transmission basics, along with other ways of making the creations move, like chains, pulleys, levers and linkages. The author gets into even more advanced topics like motors and wheeled suspension systems.
This book is definitely for a more advanced LEGO builder, but anyone who is interested in understanding Technic building should buy this book. It walks you through everything you need to know to successfully build amazing, functioning creations.
The LEGO Ideas Bookby Daniel Lipkowitz is my favorite of these three books, probably because it is much more basic than the other two. My LEGO skills leave much to be desired, so I need more basic instructions! This book is great for the LEGO builder who is a little younger and who wants more of a challenge than his regular sets. Lipkowitz gives tons of great tips on how to build all kinds of creations including animal houses and other buildings, as well as rocket ships.
The best part of this book is definitely the pictures. I also like that it doesn't give brick-by-brick instructions. Rather, it provides building principles for how to build various structures. Kids can read the tips and follow the pictures and learn to make all sorts of original creations.
Today, as Danny and I embarked on yet another early morning shoe search, I listened to myself say to him, "See, this is why I tell you to put your shoes away every day. You need to listen to me!"
And I realized, I repeat myself all day long. Then, I wondered if there were a way for me to be more efficient, so I could save my energy for more important things, like watching reruns of "Dr. Who." In that vein, I decided to record the following phrases and just play them on an endless loop all day for the kids.
I'll be in my room watching Netflix, if you need me. ~~Put your shoes on. ~~Well, where did you leave your shoes last night? ~~Why didn't you put your shoes away, like I told you to? ~~Quit hitting your brother. ~~Quit sitting on your sister. ~~Quit licking me. ~~Please, everyone just be quiet! ~~ STOP YELLING!! ~~Hang up your coat. ~~Put your shoes away. ~~Everyone get in the car. ~~Get in the car, guys! ~~Get in the car NOW or you'll be in trouble. ~~Don't even think about ________. ~~Eat your dinner. ~~Eat your lunch. ~~Eat your breakfast. ~~Please, please eat some veggies or fruit. ~~No, you cannot have popsicles for breakfast. ~~Hey, who left this half-eaten popsicle on the floor? ~~Stop peeling your sister's face with the potato peeler. ~~Quit smothering your brother with your gross blanket! ~~Do your homework. ~~FOCUS! ~~No computer time til you do homework. ~~No computer until you go outside and play. ~~You have to clean your room to get any computer time. ~~ ~~Listen to me! ~~WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES? ~~Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. ~~Stop smelling my butt! ~~No! Biting my butt is NOT funny! ~~Hands off my butt, already! ~~Wait for me! ~~Stop running! ~~No more screaming! Inside voice, please. ~~INSIDE VOICE!!!! ~~Sorry, sorry. Yes, you're right, mommy did yell. Sorry. ~~Where are your #@$!% shoes? ~~Hurry up! We're late! ~~Forget about it. Just go barefoot! ~~Ugh. You guys are killing me. Do you WANT me to go crazy? ~~Stop picking your nose. ~~Please don't eat the boogers. Ugh! ~~Where are your clothes?? Why are you naked? ~~No, you cannot go to the library in your pajamas. ~~Who peed on the floor?!?!?!?!
Dr. Temple Grandin has spent her adult life studying animal behavior and working with slaughterhouses to make them more safe, efficient, and most of all, humane. She has designed facilities all over the world and something like 50% of beef is processed in plants she designed.
Temple has won awards from Animal Rights groups and she was named as one of the top 100 most influential people by Time magazine in 2010. She has written tons of books and she is a professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University.
And she has autism.
I have been an enormous fan of Dr. Grandin ever since I read her story "An Anthropologist on Mars" by Oliver Sacks. When HBO did a special on her life I gained an even better insight into her struggles and triumphs. And it renewed my gratitude to Temple, gratitude for being willing to share her knowledge and experience about autism with the world.
For those of us with loved ones on the autism spectrum, adults with autism are an invaluable resource. They can tell us what it is like for our children--something our kids often have great difficulty articulating for themselves. I am not over exaggerating when I say that Temple Grandin is one of my heroes.
Imagine my glee when I heard she would be speaking in a college only 45 minutes away. We bought our tickets weeks ago and have been giddy with excitement.
And her talk last night was even better than I had anticipated.
What impressed me the most was how down-to-earth and practical her advice was. She advised parents to use kids' strengths and special interests to help them socialize. If a kid loves computer, enroll him in the computer club at school. Kids will have an easier time making friends with people while bonding over shared interests.
She emphasized setting goals for the future and working towards them. When someone asked her about inclusiveness in school, she said that as a young child, it is important for a kid to be included and taught social skills. As they get older, however, more emphasis needs to be placed on preparing for the workforce, and we need to be flexible depending on our child's needs. She mentioned homeschooling and online classes as possible alternatives to mainstream school. Through it all, Temple never prescribed a one-size-fits-all treatment; instead the encouraged parents to figure out what is best for their individual children.
I cannot do justice to Grandin's talk. The two hours she spoke were chock full of valuable insight and advice. I have a renewed sense of what we are doing right and where we need to redouble our efforts.
I appreciate all the practical advice. I value the insight Temple provided. All of that was undeniably helpful.
But the best part of the night was the appreciation I gained for Danny. Temple repeatedly said that she would never cure herself; it's the autism that allows her to think in pictures.
She said things like, "Autistic people often focus on objects rather than people, but we need people like that. Otherwise we'd never have computers." Or "someone with autism would have never made the mistake that was made at the Fukushima power plant, who on earth would put emergency water pumps in a basement?" or "People who come up with new inventions don't need to chit chat with others. They're too busy."
She regularly pointed out that it is the differences in the way our brains work that make us unique, and we need all types of thinkers in this world.
This really resonated with me. It gave me a better appreciation for Danny and the way his mind works. For years now, we have understood that he thinks in a much different way than most. And it has astounded me time and again how his different outlook has helped him find a really unique solution to a problem. Temple's talk inspired me to continue to use Danny's passions to help him socialize and learn.
And she has reminded me that my job is not to make Danny conform to society. Sure, we'll teach him manners and good social skills. We will teach him to follow rules and laws and be considerate to others. But we do not need to change the way he thinks.
