Do any of you worry too much? I myself am not sure what would constitute as excessive worrying, as I happen to accept worrying as inextricably linked with loving someone fiercely, but I have been informed by my husband that I definitely succumb to too much worrying. I just don't understand how one can be a parent and NOT be worried! And I have very little idea of how to turn the worrying off.
Mostly right now, I am worried about Danny and his future. He is being evaluated by a developmental pediatrician in 2 weeks and I am very concerned about what his diagnosis might be. To be honest, I think he will be labeled as being on the Autism Spectrum and it frankly scares me to death. Bil thinks it is insane to spend any time or energy worrying about it. Why worry until we know exactly what is going on? he thinks. And really, that makes sense. But something he should really understand about me by now is that I rarely make sense when it comes to emotionally charged issues. And there is nothing more emotional for me than the welfare of my children.
There are so many worries running through my head. What if Danny has a disorder that will impair his abilities to make lasting friendships? Will he be destined to be constantly lonely? Is everything going to be more challenging for him than it would be for a "normal" kid? I worry because I have read that kids with certain developmental delays often suffer from depression or get involved in promiscuity and/or drugs to deal with low self esteem. I worry that he will be bullied or that he will end up hating school. Heck, I worry that I will never get him potty trained.
Many people have told me not to worry, but those sorts of responses just make me feel isolated and sad. I guess what I crave is for someone to commiserate and tell me that while this completely sucks, I can and will make it through. That Danny will be okay. That it is natural to worry about my children, that it doesn't make me neurotic (at least no more neurotic than I have always been). That it is okay to be a little angry that life has thrown these challenges at my sweet little boy. I just want the best for him. And despite knowing that my overprotectiveness will probably result in years of therapy for my kids, I want more than anything to protect him from ever being hurt by anyone. I know this is not a good idea. We all have to deal with the rejection, challenges and general unpleasantness this world has to offer. That is partly why we are here: to learn and grow. BUT, isn't it enough for my son to have the regular, garden-variety challenges that we all face? Why add a disorder that will make it all so much harder, as if puberty by itself isn't painful enough?
OK, I will stop wallowing now. Don't worry about me. I just needed to get this off my chest, so when the time comes if my son is diagnosed with something in addition his Sensory Integration Dysfunction, I will be ready for the fight. Because if there is something I do know, it is that I would do anything for my kids. I will overcome this weariness that I am feeling and add more therapy, more exercises, more work to my load. Danny is worth it and I will not give up on him. I know he can deal with whatever life throws at him, and I will be there with him every step of the way.