Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Oddness has it's priveleges.

"We're hijacking the airwaves tonight while Patty's out partying...(tap tap) is this on?

"We want all you HATERS out there to know how awesome she is! We've got your back girl--even though you could take 'em all by yourself. Patty, we love you! We want to dedicate this song to Patty...the standard by which we measure Awesomnimity! Peace, Goodwill."

Monday, April 28, 2008


OK, so I just got back from a meeting with the co-chairs for my MOPS group (that stands for Mothers of Preschoolers, for those of you not in the know). I thought the purpose of the meeting was to discuss the possibility of me being the Discusssion Group Leader for next year. Instead, it was to inform me that I do not qualify (and never will qualify) for a leadership position in MOPS. Why, you may ask?

Because I am Mormon.

Even though it is a non-denominational Christian organization and I am a Christian (the name of my church is, after all, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) I apparently do not believe the right things, according to MOPS International. After an almost hour-long meeting, I am still unclear as to what I believe that goes against MOPS beliefs. Part of the problem, apparently, is that as a Mormon, I do not believe in the Trinity. I instead believe that the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are three distinct personages, not three all rolled up into one. Not sure why that would be a sticking point.....Seems a bit like splitting hairs to me, but whatever.

Also, they have a problem with the Book of Mormon, even though they admitted never having read the Book of Mormon, and I would be willing to bet that the higher ups in MOPS never have either. Apparently, according to some websites, the Book of Mormon contradicts the Bible. I love when people say things like that without ever having read the book.

In their defense, the co-chairs were extremely kind and very uncomfortable and quick to point out that it is not their decision, but that of the international organization. We have to follow their rules in order to get a charter. I understand all that and am not holding anything against any one individual, yet this is still sticking in my craw. The funny thing was, I wasn't entirely sure taking on a a leadership position was a smart move in my life right now, with all my other responsibilities. But now it's just the principle of the thing. I have never before been told I can't serve in some capacity because of my religious beliefs.

What I don't get is what they are afraid I will do as a leader. Do they think I will somehow indoctrinate people using subliminal messages and convert the entire group to Mormonism? I see images of crates of copies of the Book of Mormon being forced upon my MOPS group, while I stand on a soapbox preaching the gospel. Someone please cue some stirring hymn like "We Are All Enlisted Til the Conflict is O'er."

Right now, I am vacillating between feeling rejected and angry and seeing this as completely asinine and laughable.....

Saturday, April 26, 2008

2 Very Important Lessons I Learned While Demolishing Our Deck or Why I Could Never Work in Construction

Lesson #1:
Never, ever puncture your hand with a rusty nail.

Lesson #2
If you insist on puncturing your hand with a rusty nail, have the foresight to update your tetanus shot BEFORE stabbing yourself in the hand. Otherwise, you will not only have a throbbing, searingly painful hand at the puncture site (and radiating out towards wrist and forearm), but will have a throbbing upper arm at hypodermic needle puncture site. And you will have spent precious time at a Prompt Care facility on a Saturday having to explain to a nurse why you haven't had a tetanus shot in 14 years.

Friday, April 25, 2008

I'll Never.....

As I wandered through Kroger's this morning looking for some sale items, I looked at my daughter and realized that I have become that mom in the supermarket that I always swore I wouldn't become. Charlotte had a dirty face, sticky hands, was wearing slippers and mismatched pajamas. Then, I looked at myself and saw the holey sweat pants and t-shirt with some form of breakfast food smeared on my shoulder and I winced. This started me thinking of all the things I swore I would never do before I became a mom, but that I have caught myself doing in the recent past. Here is a partial list:

* I swore I would never clean my kids' faces with my fingers covered in my own saliva. This I now do regularly without even flinching.
* I never thought I would leave the house almost daily in my pajamas, no makeup and sometimes greasy hair.
* Let my kids eat candy at 9AM--I just did this today while taking an important phone call. My kids know they can get away with so much more when I am on the phone, which is one reason I try to stay off the phone whenever I can.
* Allow my son to pee outside. Sorry, maybe this is gross, but he does sometimes pee behind bushes at the park when there is no potty nearby.
* Laugh when my son takes off his pants in front of a large group of church friends. This just happened Wed. night when Danny got his pants all wet and decided to take them off. The really funny part was that his underwear were on inside out and backwards, because he had put them on himself.
* I promised myself that I would never lie to my kids. Unfortunately, I also do this occasionally, like the other day when we were at the grocery store on a field trip with Danny's class. He wanted a gumball, but I told him the machine was broken, because I just didn't want to deal with it. Before you judge me too harshly, keep in mind that I was on a preschool field trip and was exhausted--dealing with that many preschoolers is an energy zapper, to say the least.
* Threaten them with bodily harm. Before becoming a mom, I thought I would be the lucky one who would keep her temper in check at all times. Of course, before becoming a mom I had no idea what the term "sleep deprivation" really meant and I was never called upon to clean up poop that a 4-year-old had danced and played in and had gotten all over the carpet and himself when he was supposed to be napping. I had no idea.
* Say things like, "I've had it!" and "Because I said so" and "You are driving me insane!"

Oh, the list could go on an on, but I will stop there. What about you? Any things you catch yourself doing that shock you? Please share.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Youthful Tendency Disorder

Do you ever marvel at the extraordinarily high expectations some people have for small kids? You know, the people who think your kids should be able to sit quietly through three hours of church with their hands folded in their laps. Or the people who think a toddler should happily spend all day in her stroller while her mom shops. If these types of attitudes make you wonder, read this article published in the Onion magazine. Let me know what you think.


Friday, April 18, 2008

What is this, California?

Apparently, we here in Southern Illinois had an earthquake this morning. I slept right through it, which really disappoints me. I mean really, how can I sleep through something as exciting as an earthquake, but am wakened by a small child's whimper? Danny woke up and got into bed with us, but I never felt the tremor.

Crazy! An earthquake in Illinois. Evidently, we are on a fault line. Who knew?

Funny thing is, three years ago when we were switching homeowner's insurance, I thought it was ridiculous that we were offered coverage for earthquakes. I guess I'll be calling the insurance agent next week.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


After half a week of experiencing sharp pains whenever I breathe deeply, I have been diagnosed with pleurisy. For some reason, whenever I say the word "pleurisy" it sounds so serious and a touch romantic. I have recently finished Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell, (a book I highly recommend, especially if you like Jane Austen) which has conjured visions of me wasting away in a beautiful gown by a fireplace in a parlour. My head is filled with pictures of me on a 19th century sickbed surrounded by flowers and handsome, chivalrous visitors.

Instead, the nurse practitioner put me on an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my merry way.

It amuses me how wrapped up in romantic visions I can get, especially after reading a classic. How do these authors make everything seem so romantic and elegant when the reality was just the opposite? I mean, c'mon, let's not forget that a common prescription for many illnesses was to be bled by leeches in those days. Still, there is that foolish, sentimental part of me that swoons over Mariannne's sickbed scene in Sense and Sensibility with Colonel Brandon racing off to fetch her mother.

I guess I will have to settle for modern medicine and a good book....and letting my husband wait on me...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Ah, Spring At Last!

We have been awaiting the arrival of Spring for months here at our house. Back in January, Danny insisted on taking out "The Easter Beagle" from the library and we were then subjected to weeks of the kids quoting Charlie Brown and the gang. One particular part of the movie is about Easter. Lucy says, "It's the gift giving season" and Linus counters, "No, it's not, it's a time of renewal. What's the matter with you? All you ever say is 'Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee, get, get, get.' " And Lucy answers, "That's called survival, baby!" (It cracks me up every time one of theme quotes that part...)

We have also been celebrating Easter for over a month. As soon as they went on sale, I bought a bag of plastic Easter eggs, planning on using them for an activity at Church. Instead, they were instantly comandeered by Danny and we have been staging Easter egg hunts for him ever since. He never gets tired of finding the eggs in unexpected places.

Maybe it is all this talk of Spring and Easter that has made this winter seem interminable to me. Or maybe winter has lasted longer than usual. Whatever the case, it sure has made us appreciate Spring more. We just spent this morning taking a 2-hour walk with the kids and had the best time. It is beautiful out: sunny and crisp, but not cold. I am so glad Spring has arrived. I hope it sticks around for a while!