Monday, September 8, 2008

how do you know?

Bil and I have been throwing around the idea of moving, mostly in order to live closer to some better qualified OTs for Danny. For some people, it may seem like a no-brainer, but I am struggling with this decision and figuring out what is best for my family. Obviously, I want more access to better therapy. That really is on the top of my list, but I also have to consider finding a school district that is as supportive as the one we are now in. Factor in that we will need to find a place that has a pretty low cost of living since I still plan on staying at home and things get more complicated.

I also worry about uprooting my kids and to be honest, myself. I feel like after 5 years here, I finally have a couple of really good friends here and I so hate to give that up. I am scared of how long it will take to find friends in a new town. Plus, my kids have friends here, too.

I won't bore you with all my fears and my list of pros and cons. I guess my question is, how do you sift through it all and arrive at a reasonably sound decision? I have prayed about it, but feel at this point, like I don't have enough information to make a choice. I mean, Bil has been contacted by a head hunter in Wisconsin, but so far the companies she contacted have not made any interview appointments with Bil yet.

Does anyone want to share with me their experience with these sorts of decisions? Sometimes I miss the days when I was single--making decisions then was so much less fraught with anxiety. I had only myself to worry about. It was only my life I could screw up, no one else's. I am sure we will work this out, but I am curious whether anyone has any advice.


kia (good enough mama) said...

I'm blessed enough not to have had to make such a huge decision. I don't know how people do it. I really don't. I guess if I were faced with your situation I would probably make a list of the pros and cons for both sides of the argument and then let them stew for a while. Maybe you and Bil should make your lists, discuss them, then agree on a date in the future when you will revisit the dilemma and see what you both think then. Maybe 2 weeks in the future? Or even 6 months, if you feel like it wouldn't hurt. Sorry, but that's the best I can come up with!

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

Patty, I feel like we make these kind of decisions all the time...sometimes we know for sure it is where we are supposed to be, sometimes we don't.

One thing that has helped me greatly in this type of thing is to think in terms of faith vs. fear. I try not to let my fears be what makes the decision, but instead I ask what would take the most faith? This is just from what I have learned as a person- my fears can really hold me back. Since I don't want my fears to control my life, I try to ask myself, "okay, if these things weren't an issue, what would I choose?"

It still takes more discussion and family agreement after that, but that has helped me time after time start in the right direction.

I'm thinking about you guys! These kinds of decisions are tough!

hellokittiemama said...

Good luck with that. I feel your pains on this issue and experienced it.. sorta.

We moved from NY to NJ when my son was 3 1/2.. He'd only recently started attending an amazing preschool program and had been through EI in NY. I felt like everything we had built had to be re-built, including leaving behind my support network of family and friends.

In our case, we moved because of my husband's job. So we knew we had to go to NJ so then we had to narrow down where exactly based on schools.

Moving was stressful on my son though he adapted quicker than expected and jumped right into the new school system. On top of that I was pregnant with my daughter so moving was even more stressful.

But, once we got settled and Alex was in school and doing well. I knew we made the right decision and I quickly made friends that now I can't imagine being without.

How do you decide?

Well sometimes "you just know"

Trust your mama instinct on this, and you'll do what is right for your family.

Hang tight!

Elizabeth Channel said...

We have been going through similar questions over the past year, for the same reasons! Right now we drive 90 miles for OT. And we are trying to relocate to a larger town but with the economy the way it is, we are having a tough time. During Spring it looked like a possibility for us, but then things dragged along and nothing happened. So I have to wonder, were we pushing our timing versus God's? Does he have another plan for us here? Like Heidi said, are we being driven by fear instead of faith?

It's a tough situation. You will know, I believe, when the time is right. And while I know you have wonderful friends where you are, you will find great friends if you move because you are a true friend to others.

Amy Jane said...


I so feel your pain! I know this is a very difficult dilemma for you, and I wish I could help. One thing I can say is that if you moved to Springfield, MO, the cost of living is low and you wouldn't have to worry about not having any friends! :) Ok, Ok, I know that's not really helping. Can you blame me for wanting you near me again? I think that the advice the other 4people have given is really top-notch. Think about it, make lists, sit on it for awhile longer, and trust your instincts. I love you and am thinking about you!