Friday, October 29, 2010

Lies I have told my kids

I'm reading this hilarious book called Such a Pretty Fat and in it Jen Lancaster, the author relays a conversation she is having with her stay-at-home mom friend Stacey.

Stacey is telling Jen that Jen doesn't look like she has gained weight and this is what Jen thinks: "Of course, Stacey is a mom and routinely lies all day--for example, That fluffy bunny on the side of the road is covered in delicious raspberry jam! And he's napping; shhh! Don't wake him!--so I am not quick to believe her."

This got me to thinking about the lies I tell my kids. The lies that I swore I would never tell. Here are a few:

"I'll be there in one minute."/ "I'll be off the phone in a second."

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

"Broccoli is just as yummy as chips, even better."/ "No, there are no onions in this."

"We are all out of the ice cream." / "McDonald's is all out of soda/french fries."

"The bubble gum machine/VCR/vending machine/Snoopy Sno-Cone machine is broken."

"I wish I could play Thomas the Train with you right now (for the 75,000th time this week) but I really have to work on the computer."

"I don't have a quarter for the gumball machine."

"We can't afford that toy right now." OR "I don't have money with me." (I was busted on this one. Danny reached into my purse and pulled out a wad of cash from my wallet and said, "Here's some money, mommy. Now you can buy me that toy.")

"If you don't get in the car this instant, I will leave you home alone!" I know, I really need to quit using this one. Someday, Charlotte is going to call my bluff.

"Mommy and Daddy are just wrestling."

"Sorry, we can't take in that stray cat, because it's kitty mommy and daddy would miss it too much and they'd be sad."

"Wendy's isn't open today."

Does this reveal what a horrible mom I am? Probably.

So, what about you? What lies have you told your kids?


The Morgan's said...

Oh, Patty! I LOVE your posts! Luckily I have not had to use the "Mommy & Daddy are just wrestling" one yet! :) However, just yesterday I was in the bathroom doing my hair, Ian came in and said he needed me to help him with I told him I would be there in just 1 minute. To which he said, "Okay, I'll just sit on your toilet and wait." He sat down on the toilet for a little bit. Then he pursed his lips and looked at me through the reflection in the mirror, held his arm up a bit and looked at his wrist, and then said, "Mom! My invisible watch says it has been 60 seconds!" I laughed hard! I guess he caught me in a lie!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I just might have to copy this post. *grin* (And my momma taught me, early on, to say "we are choosing not to spend money on XYZ" rather than "we don't have the money. LOL.)

Alysia said...

this is hysterical.

I've told my kids that Dunkin Donuts is out of donuts right now, so Mom is just getting coffee. You should have seen the looks on their faces...luckily we were in the drive thru so they couldn't see I was lying.

danette said...

Haha, those are too funny!!

Let's see... here are a few: Wal-mart is closed. Target is all out of trains. I can't reach the pop tarts. The Wii is broken. If you don't take your medicine we'll have to take you to the ER and they'll probably have to give you a shot. Of course I didn't put medicine in your chocolate milk, it's just extra chocolat-ey. I have no idea where the batteries are.

Caitlin Wray said...

LOL, Patty this was a riot! I have told many of the ones you listed.

Alysia - like you and the donuts, I routinely told Simon when he was younger that McDonald's was out of fries. I had to take him there to get ANY form of protein into him (mcnuggets and burgers) but I wouldn't let him eat the fries since I already felt awful about his main protein source coming from the golden arches.

When he was about 5 he decided for the first time to ask the kid at the cash register himself - "are you out of fries?" - the poor teenaged boy working there must have thought I was coming on to him, because I was winking my eye out trying to send him a message, and all he did was turn, look over his shoulder at the mound of hot salty fries in the warming tray and say "Heck no, we never run out of fries". *grin*.

And so ended the fryless era.


Shellie said...

I think I've used too many of those. Are these kind of little white lies ok? I HOPE so! We also made up crazy stories to gain compliance with small children. Things like there are aliens in the supermarket who just love to eat crying screaming kids...

Elizabeth Channel said...

Too, too funny!

I've got to do some fancy footwork on some toothfairy questions I've been getting! I think I've got one child who is marking bills.