Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Mumbers--puke, chocolate and diets

1 Number of celebratory dances I have performed since successfully posting this marvelous button, thanks to Kia.  I am no longe the most cyber-challenged person I know.

7,350,658  Number of failed attempts to catch a bit more shut-eye this month.  I swear my kids have teamed up with the world's telemarketers and all the people of Illinois to ensure that I do not get any extra sleep ever.  Seriously.  The few chances I get to lie down for a nap, one of the kids comes into my room screeching, "Wake up, Mommy!  No sleeping!" or the phone rings.  If it isn't someone asking me to donate to breast cancer research, then it is the Red Cross requesting I donate blood.  And on the rare days the phone doesn't ring, someone actually rings my doorbell.  Now, why, why I ask you would anyone think I am interested in buying meat from the trunk of their car?  These salesmen come at least a couple of times a year and none of my excuses ever deter them.  Once I even claimed we were vegetarian, thinking surely this would convince them to quit bothering me.  No luck.

1.5  The measly number of pounds I have lost in the last two weeks of strict dieting and grueling workouts.  What's up with that?

16 number of mini mint 3 Musketeer bars consumed this past week.  What?  Don't tell me chocolate isn't part of a "strict diet."  I mean, they're mini, for pete's sake.  And yes, I know I am addicted.

3 Number of days I skipped grueling workouts this week.  Hey, I have to start slow, right?  Can't just start whole hog.  I DID just have a baby, people.  Give me a break.  

1 Number of times Charlotte called the planet Uranus "my anus" today.  Made me laugh like a prepubescent boy.

1 Number of times I was totally puked on in the wee hours of this morning.  Tommy really got me--spit up all down my shirt, and it was 4 am.  I reeked of baby spit up until 2 this afternoon when I was finally able to get a freaking shower.

3 Number of weeks I have been husbandless every  single weeknight, which means it has been over three weeks since I have been able to escape this asylum by myself.  I am beginning to feel a bit trapped and loony.  I need to get out of this house without any children.  And not to go grocery shopping or errand running, because that SO does not count.

3 Number of months I told Bil I was supposed to wait before having sex postpartum.  I think he caught on that I might be exaggerating a bit.


Amy Jane said...


The "my anus" thing totally kills me! I, too, am completely 5 years old. :)

Now, what's so terrible about losing 1.5 lbs. in 2 weeks? I think that's quite respectable, and is a great start. Don't be so hard on yourself, my friend. You're going to lose the weight just fine - you know what to do, and you'll do it.

It's funny - I once told a meat salesman that WE were vegetarians! How funny that we've both done that. Great minds think alike!

Love you and miss you...

kia (good enough mama) said...

Holy cow! Little Man wanted to know today which was the "cold" planet. I suggested Uranus and almost giggled out loud. I have no idea if that's the right answer (he says I'm wrong), but just saying it totally makes me giggle. I'm so 5.

Also, your scale must be like mine: it's a Man Scale. Burn it.

Anonymous said...

3? I thought it was 6.

Quirky Mom said...

Tell Bil that the no sex thing is one month for every night he spends out of the house.

I've been on a weight loss plateau for about two months now. So I'm jealous of your 1.5 lbs. Go Patty! You can dooooo it!!!

rainbowmummy said...

LMAO, your posts are too funny!!

Mini sooooo counts on a diet. 3 months, lucky Bill, lol, more like 3 years at my house, haha!!

Want a break, I'll baby sit, no problem, just phone me and leave the phone near the kids. Or have them e mail me if they need anything!xxxxxxx

rainbowmummy said...

I am going to be laughing at "my anus" all day,m even more so know that I have just writen that, haha

Mrsbear said...

Cracking up at planet "my anus". Oh jeez.

You mean there's not a three month wait for postpartum lovin'? Sounds accurate to me.

The newborns are precious but I so don't miss getting puked on. It was a daily occurrence with my youngest, full on projectile entire contents of a bottle. Good times.

Like the purty header btw.

HeatherPride said...

I used that postpartum excuse for like 6 months. My husband never caught on...

Elizabeth Channel said...

I think 9 months is best. It's healthy. It's for everyone's benefit.

We had a door-to-door salesman who claimed his cleaning product could clean "anything." I challenged the product to the grout in my boys' bathroom; it failed miserably. The fellow left, tail tucked, miracle cleaner dragging.

Ironically he showed up last week and my husband remembered him. He countered with the grout challenge. The man remembered, and left, yet again, in defeated sorrow.

I gather he'll not be back!

Hope you get some sleep!

Kim said...

Why won't children ever let us sleep??? If I start to doze off I am suddenly awakened by a giant "ROAR" and a tiny face 2milimeters away from my eyes.

I hear you on never getting out of the house without children for anything other than errands. I need a mom's night out! Sounds like you do too!