Saturday, August 22, 2009

Isn't ok to sometimes complain?

Last night, I was at a church committee meeting and mentioned that I was really having difficulty with Bil's new work schedule. He sleeps in until around 9 or 10 and then leaves for work around 2. I don't get to see him a whole lot because I am busy running errands, cleaning, and trying to keep Charlotte and Tommy out of the house so Bil can sleep or look for a new job.

On top of that, Danny never sees his father at all during the school week. Ever. Bil is sleeping when Danny leaves for school and is gone to work before Danny gets home. Which also means that Bil is not around to help me with Danny's therapy. And I really need someone's help with the therapy. Just keeping Charlotte and Tommy quiet and under control alone is a one-man job. Then, on top of that I need to set up all the equipment, plan the activities and somehow motivate Danny to do the exercises. It exhausts me just to think about it right now.

Anyway, I mentioned the difficulty I am experiencing and I was admonished to just be happy that Bil has a job.

I know the woman is right. And I am grateful that Bil has a job. I know a few people who have lost theirs recently, and I don't envy them their plight.

But, that doesn't lessen the challenges I am facing right now. And that doesn't even take into account that so far this year we have had to take 5 weeks of unpaid vacation. Yes, FIVE weeks. That's 10% of our pay for the year. Bil works for an automotive parts company and their biggest clients happen to be the companies that are doing the worst right now. To save money and jobs, the bosses decided that having forced unpaid vacations would be the best route. And while it is better than layoffs, it was a bit painful to lose that income, especially since we just had a baby.

We are fine. I know we are lucky that we had some money saved that we can use in such emergencies and we had some really interesting blessings happen along the way. I know we are blessed that Bil has a job, and I am grateful for that. Still, things are stressful for us right now and sometimes I need to express that or I will explode.

I know we will be ok, so maybe I should keep my concerns to myself. Maybe I will just save them for the blog, since people can choose to read or not to read, but at least I will have some outlet. Hopefully, I won't get tons of comments telling me to buck up and quit whining. Because I happen to be really good at whining and I don't think I can completely go cold turkey.


Natalie said...

Even God tells us it is OK to complain, to question, to shout out to Him with our cares. I think the woman at church was wrong to tell you not to complain. There's a difference between voicing legitamite concerns and hardships (which your situation definitely falls into) and whining just for the sake of whining. I'm sorry the ladies from your church were not more supportive. If you were able to count on anyone it should have been your church family. Your family will be in my prayers.

Denise said...

buck up and quit whining!

Oh wait! THAT is EXACTLY what you DIDN'T want to hear.

So...tell Bil to buck up and get up earlier! He can get up before Danny goes to school...even take him to school (that could be THEIR time) and then rest a bit afterward. Surely he doesn't get home too late to wake up before 8am!!!! I mean, give me a much sleep do YOU get with a new born baby and STILL are required to be up for the kids???

So, instead of telling YOU to buck up...tell HIM! He did say in a post recently that he needs to give Danny more of himself.

Don't get me wrong....I love Bil! THIS is a stressful time for him...and YOU too! But I think he can help a bit in the mornings! He's a big boy!!

Love to you...can't wait to play at the park and stuff. The other day Cody said, "I wonder if Danny will EVER come back to Effingham." I don't think he realized, like Danny, that WE were the ones gone half the time!

Ok, my friend....just keep smiling! I'll be there to share in the whining!

Love you!

Amy Jane said...


It is ABSOLUTELY OK, nay VITAL, to complain sometimes! So, don't you let anyone tell you to quityerbitchin. :) And you know, you can always call me, and I will be happy to listen to you vent. That's what friends are for! Hang in there....this, too, shall pass.

Anonymous said...

I think your church friend kinda misses the point, doesn't she? Rather than lecture, how about asking, "Is there anything I can do?

I would not make it if I didn't vent or complain at times. it's how I release. I don't bottle up when I'm frustrated. I let it out, and then I move on.

And, Patty, ask for help! (Except, I wouldn't ask that one lady - ha!) Seriously, you're not going to win any awards for "handling it all myself." Most people WANT to help, and this is a difficult time in your lives, and you do have a legitimate need for help.


If I lived nearby I'd find you a babysitter and we'd go out for dinner and a movie.

lonestar said...

Of course it's totally ok to vent! Honestly, I think that lady was rude. It's hard sometimes to open up and share what is stressing us out, and to have someone respond with a "lecture," well, it's rude IMO. Being stressed about things doesn't mean we're not grateful for our blessings, but being blessed in one area doesn't necessarily alleviate the stress in other areas either.

I agree with goodfountain - ask for help. Maybe someone can come help out with your other children while you do therapy with Danny. Or someone could watch the kids for a while so you and Bil could actually spend a little time together.

You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers... hoping things get better soon. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Agreed- your church family is supposed to be your safe place to fall. Personally, I think I'd go back next week & gripe about this. To the group.

Yes. It is awesome that Bil has a job considering the alternative. At the same time, raising children solo is tough. (And yes, lots of people do it. They'll be the first in line to say it's tough) Blah. Blah.

Don't be afraid to ask for the help you need. Example, the therapy time is a clear need. Can someone do a "mothers helper" time even 1x per week? Keep the little ones away while you work? I always thought the hardest part of asking for help was coming up with a clear need. You have one, take advantage!