Monday, August 24, 2009

marital advice I can't seem to master

Yesterday in Sunday School we talked about marriage and how to make ours last. One major piece of advice was to be unselfish. I know this is really important; putting the needs of your partner over your own has to happen at least some of the time. This is also advice that I am seriously struggling with right now.

All I can think of is all the needs I have that aren't being met. I know I can't rely on my husband to meet all my needs, and it is not his fault that most of them aren't being met. But still, instead of thinking of what he needs, all I can think of is how I haven't had a break from the kids in ages. I haven't even had help getting them ready for bed in weeks. Obviously, it is not his fault that he is gone every evening. That is not what I am saying. I guess what I am getting at is that I am totally focused on what I want and need and not really thinking about what he needs. And when I try to think about his needs, I just feel more selfish and resentful, because I don't want to think about one more person's needs right now. I want to think about me, darnit.

So, how do I let go of some of my selfishness, resentment, and irritability so that we can work as a team? How do I focus a bit less on myself, especially when I don't exactly want to do so?


Amy Jane said...


Boy, I wish I could help you with this one, but it's something that I really struggle with myself. I've never denied that I'm a pretty selfish person, and it's very hard for me to be selfless most of the time. And Brian IS pretty selfless, so at times it's almost like I'm taking advantage of him, ya know? It's tough. All that I can say is that you need to stop beating yourself up - you're only human. Hang in there!

HeatherPride said...

Oh girl, it's rough. My husband has been working late, long hours at work all summer long, and he's been going in on the weekends as well. This during a time when I've taken on two extra kids in my home! It's been a crazy, lonely, and frustrating summer. Sounds like you and I are in the same boat! I do plan on cashing in my chips and taking some me-time after his work settles down a bit. I just wish I knew when that would be! Hugs.

Denise said...

Hang in there, friend! As my mom has always told me, "It is darkest right before the dawn." I tested this theory once by staying up ALL NIGHT in High School....camping in our yard. It is true...ALL around. I'm here for you! I'll take Charlotte soon and let you have a great break. Wait...Tommy too, for that matter.

Amy said...

just know i am thinkin of ya and prayin for ya and amazed by ya! love, A