Monday, December 7, 2009

Random thoughts--Walmart, diets and kids

***The WM folks must have some sort of vendetta against me. What else could explain how they have organized their paper goods? I am in charge of a dinner for the women at church on Saturday, so I had many things to buy today, including paper plates, napkins and cups. I happened to have my two youngest with me, because, as Bil continues to remind me, it is against the law to leave them home unattended.

Tommy was tired; I only have between 8 and 9:30 to get to the store and get all the shopping done before Tommy's nap time. This is not because I am super anal about naps. Rather, if I don't get home on time, I have a whimpering, crying little baby on my hands, which does not make for easy shopping, especially since Charlotte thinks it's funny to run off and hide on me. It's just a matter of time before we have a Code Adam on our hands (or is it Code Eve for little girls?)

Anyway, back to Walmart's vendetta. OK, so I am in the paper goods aisle looking for red dessert plates, but they are nowhere to be found. So, I head over to the Christmas room (which is all the way on the opposite side of the store) where it looks like Santa exploded. There they have an assortment of holiday paper goods, but no red plates. (Again, let me assert here that I am NOT anal. It's just that the napkins and all the other paper goods had already been bought and these women like things to match. Me? I don't really care as long as I get enough dessert on my plate to anesthetize an elephant and put me into a sugar coma.)

So, now that Tommy is getting tired, I have to hike to the other side of the store, which is seriously like a half mile away, back to the paper goods aisle. Why, why, I ask you, can the Walmart people not just put all the paper plates together? Is that really so much to ask?

***On the bright side, I started breaking out into a sweat as I half ran back to the paper plates aisle, because I was in a big hurry to get out of Walmart (or as I like to refer to it, the third circle of Hell). Surely, this should count as my exercise for the day, right? Or perhaps, I was only sweating because, like Hell, they keep the heat on high in Walmart.

***Which brings me to another topic I have been considering a lot lately: why I should be losing weight with ease. Consider this, if you will:
I carry around a 20+ pound baby in one arm while completing all kinds of tasks, including conducting a song at church, tending to children's wounds and setting the table. Surely, that added weight would burn some extra calories.

And then anytime I stop and bend over, I have either Danny or Charlotte jumping on my back, or sometimes just for grins, both of them. If I stop moving, one of them is inevitably climbing on me. It reminds me of those killer ants who attack whatever is standing in place for too long. In the spirit of self-preservation, I rarely sit down for fear of what will inevitably attack me. As soon as I do, someone is screaming for me or the phone is ringing or the doorbell chiming. By the end of the day, I am plumb tuckered out.

Again, you would think I would be burning thousands of calories an hour, at least.

**** Probable reasons for my lack of weight loss:
Mini Mint Three Musketeer Bars--Need I say more? My addiction is alive and well.

Unfortuntately, standing over a stove does not count as moderate exercise no matter how much I sweat.

Nor does sweating while eating a really spicy bowl of chili. I know. Totally unfair, right?

Christmas treats are everywhere, and I tend to eat for emotional reasons. You know, like when I am sad or happy or bored or tired or lonely or get the idea.

***I have no idea why, but Charlotte and Danny have recently taken to saying the words "Hamster's guinea pig!" in various contexts. Mostly, they seem to use it as an interjection, like "Hamster's guinea pig! This room is a mess!" I suppose it is a lot better than some things they could be saying.

***Lately, a fun little game I have been playing with the kids is I warm up my frigid hands on their warm little backs and bellies. They love it. They scream and squirm and run away. And I just keep coming back for more body warmth. Such a heartwarming game, no?

A few minutes ago, Charlotte approached me and put her icy hands down my shirt, almost giving me a heart attack.

You know what they say about payback, right? Yeah, it's totally true.


Amy Jane said...

Patty - It's funny that your kids have a weird saying, b/c Nick recently started saying "Great Murphies!" (or maybe it's Murphy's). We have no idea where he got this! :)

Susan said...

Agreed. Wal-mart is the devil.

Mrsbear said...

Just last week I went to two different Wal-marts looking for a toy that was out of stock online but supposedly available at the aforementioned stores. Except, they weren't anywhere. Even though there were three separate departments they could have possibly been, nobody I asked could even be sure said product even existed. Plus I had to explain it all in Spanish to clerks who looked at me like I was crazy whenever I said I was trying to locate something that melted crayons. Circle of Hell indeed.

I remember that stage well, the nap window stage. I don't miss it much. I've got enough to deal with. Children launching themselves on to my body being one of them. If we lived closer, you and I could compare bruises, lacerations, and spinal injuries.

Digging your random. And your mini mint musketeer addiction. Yum.

Amy Jane said...

Patty, FYI, I have actually blogged again! So, please read and comment. :)

beckmarsh said...

Hamster's guinea pig! That was a funny post!