Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Signs that you may have a kid with eating issues

***You celebrate when your kid decides he likes a food, even a seriously unhealthy one, like corn dogs or chicken nuggets. At least it's protein, you think, I'll worry about his arteries later. Right now, you're more focused on getting calories into the kid than on how healthy those calories are. And you just pray those multi-vitamins are doing their job.

***You hope that there are enough nutrients in ketchup to make up for the fact that he won't touch a vegetable with a 10-foot pole.

***You have taken bribery and negotiation to a whole new level of artistry and expertise.

***When you have to go to a party, you always, always feed your kid ahead of time and don't even bother trying to get him to eat at the gathering. And yes, you cringe and bite your tongue when Aunt Bertha makes snide comments about how spoiled your kid must be, and that in her day, kids weren't given a choice, they ate what was put in front of them, because if the kid is really hungry, he'll eat, all the while reminding yourself that Aunt Bertha never had a kid with autism or SPD, and she has no idea what she's talking about.

***You look forward to summer with great anticipation, because fresh corn-on-the cob is actually in season, and it is the only vegetable your kid will eat willingly. For whatever reason, canned corn and even frozen corn-on-the-cob are not appropriate substitutes during the off-season.

***Reading nutritional labels has become a way of life for you, not so much because you are dieting, but because you're desperate to find versions of the foods your kid will eat that have more nutrients and fiber and less sugar, preservatives and colors.

***The thought of feeding your child another meal is sometimes so daunting, you can barely face the ordeal.

***Though your child loves toast and cheese, he adamantly refuses to even take one nibble of a grilled cheese sandwich.

***Food that most kids adore, like mac and cheese, pudding, and spaghetti are not allowed on the table near your child.

***Illogic reigns in your house. Your child does strange things with his food, like eats all the cheese and pepperoni off the pizza, but will only eat the parts of the crust that do not have any sauce on them. When you buy cheesy bread sticks, however, he will dip them in sauce.

***You are so desperate to get your kid to try new food, you actually encourage him to dip it in chocolate sauce. In fact, condiments are practically the main course at many a meal. You regularly thank the culinary gods for blessings like Parmesan cheese, Green Goddess dressing, dijon mustard, and barbeque sauce.

***You envy those parents whose children will eat mundane foods (like soup and pasta) with a vehemence that is surprising. You also have trouble not rolling your eyes at those parents who whine because their "picky" children won't eat onions or green peppers.

***Parenting magazines make you laugh when they give suggestions for helping picky eaters. The issues these authors address are so minor league, you can't help but sigh in exasperation. If all it took to get your kid to try a new food was cutting it in fun shapes, you'd have had this figured out years ago!

***Although you promised yourself before having kids that you would not become a short-order cook, you now regularly prepare at least 2-4 different foods at each mealtime, all the while grumbling and cursing under your breath.

Anything you want to add?


Laura said...

I am SO SO SOOOOOO in your shoes- My kids will hardly eat ANYTHING!!!!!! It is SO frustrating and I can relate to how you feel. My kids won't touch any condiment, period. The other day my youngest refused everything except nutri-grain bars and milk. I about cried that night I was so frustrated. And yes, I have family members too that think my kids get whatever they want and that I should be tougher on them. They have no clue.

Anthony said...

When you cry yourself to sleep because you know you have to try and feed this child another day, three times a day for the rest of forever.

When your child vomits at the table and it doesn't make you think there's a new stomach bug going around.

When you call the company who makes the ONE food your child will eat and beg them to change their new package labels back to the old one your child recognizes.

When you call the company that makes the divided lunch tray and beg them to sell them again at Wal-Mart and then end up sending you a box full of them for free because they feel sorry for you.

When you think the next Nobel Prize will be awarded to the person who enriches Popcorn with protein.

When you search through every possible protein supplement known to mankind for the one that does not contain dairy products and when you find it, it costs $7.00 for each teeny tiny juice box.

When you go to fifteen different specialists looking for help.

When you end up in a hospital room because of it.

Oh heck, I could go on and on here! :) Thanks for the vent! lol :)

Anthony said...

Patty, it's me Alicia, Ewan's mom--I didn't realize I was posting on my husband's account!!

Sprite's Keeper said...

My picky eater is definitely not as drastic as yours, that much is obvious. But I do cringe when our version of Aunt Bertha makes snide remarks of Sprite chowing down at the cheez doodles bowl during a party when she doesn't realize I never let this stuff or anything with cheese dust into the house at all so the kid is basically gorging since she knows the drought is at home. :-)

Lizbeth said...

OMG, Patty, I almost FELL OUT of my chair laughing so hard!!! The pizza, oh the pizza! He will eat it with sauce, cheese and pepproni on the side--all not cooked, not touching. I mean it's not even pizza any more....

All hail the almight BBQ sauce! But only if it comes from Wendy's. I pratically stalk that place just to pocket their sauce!!!

Thanks for the laugh--L

Darcy said...

When the gastroenterologist tells you your child is "mildly malnourished." You freak because you think of that term as reserved for starving children in Africa.

When you go to the ER for drugs and fluids at the first sign of a stomach bug because it takes your kid a year to put on the pounds lost during non-eating periods.

When every feeding therapist you see says, "Wow. I've never seen a kid this bad before."

Ouch. This stuff is funny and depressing at the same time...

Alysia said...

when you cut off the outside of a donut because it's the only way he'll eat it, and you're so happy he's eating that you don't care...

You bury Smarties under dry cereal for breakfast since it's the only way you can get him to eat before school.

Goldfish. Not just for breakfast anymore.

Cut the "point" off of a piece of pizza and carefully inspect every piece to make sure there are no stray cheese "strings".

Consider it a success if all your kids are sitting at the table to eat. Never mind the fact that they don't actually eat.

Jump for joy when your son is still on the growth chart

yeah...I've been there...

Valerie Foley said...

Our oven broke this week, and the repair guy said, 'Oh, it will be at least 10 days for that part to come...'

He actually stepped backwards when he saw my face.

I started to say, 'But... Billy's dinner...?' and realised how crazy it would sound to a real-world-er.

Anonymous said...

you are spying on my house aren't you!?

Merri said...

Oh my goodness, that was such a good laugh, gotta keep a good sense of humor over this! My son is starting the SOS feeding program, and we are hoping he will add a protein source to his severe diet. 2 new foods in a year is the goal!!! It is sad, though, when people don't understand and think we just do what he wants, when we KNOW he will end up starving himself to death if we do what "they" suggest.

liam.hills said...

Oh where do I start?
The time we were at a street food area in Singapore, and he ordered a bowl of rice with ketchup, and the nice staff asked around all the vendors to find ketchup... the fact that one of his favourite meals is spaghetti carbonara, but he won't go near bacon or eggs in any other form... or that he avoids McDonalds because he doesn't eat fries or drink fizzy stuff (has to be some bonuses).

For the record, he's *not* autistic, *is* an eczema/asthma kid, and has sensory problems with smell and texture. He is 12, I keep hoping he'll accidentally eat a vegetable/fruit one day, but in the meantime, a week's supply of individual serves of spaghetti bolognaise live in the freezer, and he microwaves his own dinners.

John and Allie Fields said...

I can totally relate to this!

When you play licking and kissing games with food (in public) because you are so desperate just to get the food to touch your kids lips.

Some people just don't get it do they?!