Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Reasons I have not yet typed up last week's PTO minutes

~~I've been too busy catching up on two weeks' worth of "Dancing with the Stars." Who knew that my first love, Ralph Macchio, was so smooth on his feet? I guess they weren't lying in all those Tiger Beat magazines when they cited slow dancing and walks on the beach as his turn-ons.

Sadly, I think I have aged much more than Ralph has in the last 25 years. The man looks almost exactly the same as he did when he first stole my heart in the movie "The Outsiders." Oh, Johnny Cakes, you're just as cute as ever.

Except for the hair. That's a touch on the weird side. I'm thinking toupee. What do you think?

~~I'm passive aggressively procrastinating because I am resentful of the passive aggressive manner in which I was recruited to be the PTO secretary. Real mature, huh?

~~Danny came home sick Monday and I let him stay home Tuesday as well, partly because I was afraid he'd puke again at school and the teacher would think I was a bad mom and partly because I am a bad mom and didn't want to get up early to take him to school. I also didn't feel like dealing with his homework, so I figured letting him skip one day would be the ticket to freedom.

~~I spent the better part of an hour today helping Danny with all the math homework he missed while he was out sick. Apparently, now that he's a first grader, he's expected to make up missed work. Wish I had known that before I spent yesterday letting him play hooky. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

~~Why haven't I typed up the dratted minutes? I just don't want to do it.

~~Nobody reads them anyway.

~~Every time I have one second to myself, my toddler comes up to me begging for yogurt. Shoot. Did I say that aloud? Oh, great, here he comes again. If he hears the word mentioned, he goes into overdrive, demanding that I drop everything and serve him the nasty stuff. The kid's a yogurt fiend. He's going to have Yoplait running through his veins if he keeps this up.

~~I'm thinking if I procrastinate long enough, the end of school will be here and everyone will have forgotten all about the meeting.

~~I've been spending all my extra free time concocting good excuses to get me out of this responsibility.

~~There have been an inordinate number of messes and loads of laundry to clean up this week. For some inexplicable reason, Charlotte has had many accidents the last few days. I don't know if it's because we are putting her to bed without a diaper on; obviously that accounts for the night-time accidents, like the times that she has woken up, pulled her pants off, peed on her blanket, redressed and went back to sleep. Seriously, talk about the ultimate in laziness.

What it doesn't account for is the midday accidents. Apparently, she is forgetting to stop and use the bathroom. What's even crazier, though, is tonight's accident. Before bed, I instructed her to go to the bathroom. When I walked in on her, she was sitting on the toilet on top of the toilet lid in a pool of pee. She explained that she "forgot to put the lid up."

I will never, ever, ever have it easy in the potty training department, will I? *sob*

~~I've been eavesdropping on my kids' conversations and alternately laughing and cringing to myself. Here's one snippet:

Charlotte: Hey, get your butt out of my face!
Danny: Get your face out of my butt!

Cue maniacal laughter.

Many thanks, Jerry Bruckheimer, for that gem of a movie, "G-Force" and all it is teaching my kids.

Think the PTO president will think any of these excuses are legitimate reasons for shirking my responsibility?


Sarah said...

I have yet to type of my minutes either but my excuses aren't nearly as clever as yours---want to hear something crazy? I am now president elect because I just can't get enough of these meetings :)

BTW---Jack is yogurt fiend too---custard style Yoplait twice a day. Yack is right.

Lizbeth said...

Oh Gaw, the PTO. I've been avoiding that job like the plague. I actually hid in a toilet stall when I saw one of the PTO people trying to recruit new victims. I don't envy you one bit.

I wish my kids would eat yogurt, I don't think they like the texture....that's funny though--if I say chocolate chips (even in a wisper) all 3 of them come out of the woodwork.

Heather said...

Best reasons ever! You've got my vote to get out of PTO next year;)

Laura@livingabigstory said...

LOL -- this post just made me laugh. I'm using blogging as an excuse to get out of *all* of the items on my to-do list right now ... but I'm making friends, isn't that good?