Thursday, June 30, 2011

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

I wish my toddler would never scream again unless in mortal danger. This kid's shrieks are so piercing, someday they will make my ears bleed. And he screeches for the most insignificant reasons: Charlotte's humming is bugging him or someone looks at him the wrong way.

I wish I looked like Kate Winslet.

I wish my kids enjoyed vegetables as much as they adore popsicles.

I wish I enjoyed vegetables as much as I love chocolate.

When Tommy is running wild through church (screaming, of course) and I am most obviously harried, I wish people would refrain from saying, "Someday when your kids are all grown up, you're going to miss this!" While they might actually be right, their proclamations are not helpful at all. (And really, I doubt the veracity of their claims. I will certainly miss my kids and their youthful antics. The screaming or tantrums? Definitely not.) You know what would be helpful? Insisting on babysitting my three feral monkeys for a few hours so I can have a break. And my ears can heal.

I wish I had a more extensive vocabulary. The longer I stay home with the kids, the more I say things like "dude" and "awesome" and "cool," rather than other more descriptive words I could use. And the longer I stumble over the most common word, like "shirt" or "swimming pool" and I of course keep forgetting the names of my kids.

I wish LEGOs were cheaper and came with a little man whose sole responsibility it is to clean all those multicolored blocks up and keep them organized by color in a handy, stylish storage system.

I wish instead of giving me loads of advice, as so many people feel compelled to do, they would tell me how admirable, saintlike, brilliant, and capable I am.


Check out Sprite's Keeper for more posts about wishes. I'm sure at least some of them will be far less frivolous than mine.


Lizbeth said...

What?!? Your Lego's didn't come with a mini-man-cleaner?!? You got ripped off.

And for the record, you are a great mom. Heck, I want to be your kid. And I promise I won't scream. Much.

PS--ears are over-rated.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Nope, my wishes are far more frivolous than yours. :-)
I wish that you get your wishes, especially the hour off or more opportunity to use descriptive words other than "thingie". (I work in corporate America and STILL use that word all the time..)
You're linked!

Anonymous said...

You know, you could make some money on that Lego cleaner upper idea.

Dude... you're a saint. :-)

CaJoh said...

What an admirable, saintlike, brilliant, and capable post this is…

I think that many moments are best forgotten. Here's wishing that you look fondly on the good moments and forget about the bad ones whenever you look back on these days.

Cool Spin Dude!

Kate said...

Did you get inside my head? I wish all of these things as well. What is it about the shrieks of toddlers that make them to worst sounds in the world AND the ones that produce headaches that won't go away for days????

kathleen said...

yeah...the "Oh you'll miss this one day"-spoken only by those in the early stages of dementia..I am thankful that I am not the only one who messes up their kids names..or says "shit" more than necessary..well..not more than necessary..But that I have days where that is the most appropriate word...:)

Heather said...

Also, the Lego dude has to put together the sets that have pieces that live in various Lego bins that were taken apart ages ago but that a child suddenly realizes he REALLY wants!

You rock lady - don't ever forget it!!!