I hate evaluations. Just hate them.
Tuesday, Danny endured 2 hours of testing with the school psychologist while the rest of us got to play in a playground on the most beautiful day of the summer. He was technically due for this testing in the Fall, but I pressed the school to do it sooner so we'd be better prepared for next school year. The psychologist decided doing it during summer break might be best and I agreed.
Danny was far more cooperative than I could have ever hoped for. I expected a lot of complaining and frustration. After all, it's summer vacation. Who wants to go to school to take tests during summer?
No one. That's who.
Well, the results from all the testing came today, and I'm feeling really blue. I can't quite explain it. There were no surprises, really. But it's never nice to see--in black and white--all the areas in which Danny is below average.
The kid is smart. Wicked smart, but he cannot seem to express that intelligence in any way that is measurable by standardized tests. Frankly, I loathe these tests. I've never found them incredibly reliable, even when I was a teen--I happen to test pretty poorly myself, not unlike Danny.
So, I'm blue. And tired. So, so tired of all these people--people who really know nothing of my son--telling me all the ways he falls short. All the things he struggles with. All the areas in which he is delayed.
I'm so tired of the implication (whether intended or not) that I have missed something as his mother. That I haven't given him all he needs.
And I'm so tired of all the recommendations. The lists and lists of things we should do to help Danny. Don't get me wrong. I want to help him. I really do. And we do so, so much, believe me. But I can never quite manage it all. How do I fit in all the homework and exercises that his teachers, speech therapist, occupational therapist and social worker all think are necessary? When can we just play with him rather than figuring out the therapeutic benefit of a particular activity?
I am so very tired of a system that only measures my son's weaknesses, never his strengths. This system is so screwed up it makes me want to weep with frustration. And I'm terribly tired of reading the results of tests and wondering what this means for his future. Will he be able to hold a job? Live on his own? Do these results somehow indicate what his future holds?
So, I'm in a funk and have no sense of humor today, even despite the delectable picture of Ryan supplied by Sunday. I almost opted out of Special Needs Ryan Gosling this week, but decided not to. So, here's my very un-funny poster.
Please check out the other bloggers who are participating this week. Just click on Ryan below. I can guarantee their posts will be much funnier and more upbeat than mine!